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| MAAG WHEELS CT's Top Team Biking to Beat Multiple Sclerosis |
biking hero had just been ordered to perform 500 hours of community service by biking in a charity fundraising tour. He snapped after learning that he’d have to serve that time with his arch nemesis, his Inner Voice. While running out of the court room, he gets stopped by a very big security guard with long curly hair who picks him up with one hand and throws him into a transfer vehicle, which is where Chapter 5 of our story picks up…] Billy: (irritated yet inquisitive) What’s going on here? Are you kidnapping me? Guard: (Chuckling) No. I’m taking you to a secret place way up in the mountains where someone will help you start training for your 500 hours of charity biking community service. Billy: Oh, well das cool. So what’s your name? Guard: Dats. Billy: That’s what? Dats: Dats White. Billy: What’s white? Dats: Not Wuts. Dats. Billy: That’s what? Dats: Not Wut. White. Billy: What’s white? Dats: I already told you. It’s Dats White. Billy: Did you say “That’s right?” Dats: No, “Dats White”. Billy: So I was right. Dats: No, that’s my mom. Billy: Who’s your mom? Dats: Iris. Billy: You were your mom?! Dats: No, Iris White. Billy: You were right about what? Dats: My name. Billy: And what is your name? Dats: No, White is my name. Billy: Is White your first name? Dats: No, that’s Dats. Billy: What’s what? Dats: That’s my first name. Billy: Okay, forget about your name, if you even have one. If I were to ask if you have any sisters, what would you say? Dats: Just Snow. Billy: So it’s “no”? Dats: Yeah, it’s Snow. Billy: So no sisters? Dats: No, I got a sister. Billy: You have one? What’s her name? Dats: Yeah, it’s Snow. Billy: So she’s “Yeah”? Dats: No, she’s Snow. Billy: She’s no what? Dats: Not Wut. It’s White…she’s my sister after all. Billy: Okay, forget about your sister, if you even have one. Do you have a brother? Dats: Yeah, and you’re actually gonna meet him. Billy: Ohhh? Why am I going to meet him? Dats: Cuz he’ll be your trainer. Billy: Oh, so he’s a good biker? Dats: No, he’s actually a snow boarder. His name is Shaun. Billy: Finally, a name I can understand. But why is a snow boarder going to be helping me train for biking? Dats: Well, have you noticed all the snow on the ground lately? Your training rides are starting soon and the court figured you’d get more training in on a half-pipe than on a road. [Dats White pulls into the driveway of a ski lodge; lets Billy the Biker out of the car; and introduces him to his brother, Shaun. After their greeting, Shaun whisks his new biking apprentice away into a helicopter headed towards the top of a tall mountain where his secret half-pipe is located.] Shaun: So, I hear you’re a felon. Das cool. Billy: It was all just a huge misunderstanding. Shaun: Yeah, das cool too. As your court-appointed bike trainer, I hope you don’t misunderstand this: -Your first training ride is Saturday, March 6, 2010, at 9:00 am starting from #5 Griffin Center in Windsor. -You’ll hafta ride either 10- or 25-miles that day. -Ya gotta make sure your bike’s all smooth and tuned up and rolly and stuff like that. -The groundhog said we’re gettin’ more winter, and I believe him more than I believe the weathermen. So dress warm that day. And if it snows, stay home. Billy: I swear I’ve heard something like that before. Say, listen….with all this snow, I don’t think I should be biking. It seems kinda dangerous. Shaun: That’s why you’re training on my secret half-pipe. If you can bike on that, you can bike on anything. Check it out, just watch me and do what I do. [And with those words, Shaun rides his bike out of the hovering helicopter onto the yawning half-pipe twenty feet below. Our fearless biker, fearing for his life, says that there’s no way he’s gonna do that. Then the pilot starts talking to him over the intercom headphones.] Pilot: This is your pilot speaking. I’ve been ordered to tilt the helicopter to make you roll out if you don’t go out on your on. This whole snow-biking thing isn't really that difficult. In fact, it’s easier than speed skating. Billy: What do you know about speed skating? Pilot: My brother’s a world-famous speed-skater. His name is Apolo. Billy: That’s an interesting name. What’s yours? Pilot: Nachoo. Billy: Gesundheit. I swear I’ve heard your voice before. What’s your name again? [The pilot turns around and Billy the Biker instantly recognizes his arch- nemesis, his Inner Voice. Startled, he lets go of the hand brakes on his bike which causes him to roll out of the helicopter. As he falls out, he yells:] Billy: Not you! Oh no!! Pilot Nachoo Ohno: Hey, he got my name right! |